tyJ

i know these past few months i've been pretty mope-y and "emo" and my previous entries have been pretty dreadful. but man that all changed today.

Thank you Jesus! i sometimes forget how blessed i am and how much he does for me and how faithful he is and how reliable he is. mannnnnnnn am i in a good mood right now

shout out to daniel and julie, the only people who read this hahaha

today, i had to get to school by 6 to set up for our second senior breakfast, which meant i had to wake up by 5. but due to my fear of being late and being yelled at, i woke up at 3 and wasn't able to go back to sleep... so i was incredibly tired throughout the day, even though i slept in like 3 classes.

i really like the cold weather, i just recently realized. i always said i was the summer type of person, and i am, i just like the cold at the same time. the reason i didn't like the cold was because i didn't like wearing long pants haha, but now, i'm more comfortable with them. but, i still hate the wind.

time to catch up on bio homework since i have a D in the class. then sat 2 studying and college apps. oh boy!

;lakdsmc

you know, i honestly don't think anybody even reads this blog, but honestly, i don't really mind it one bit. i sort of like just putting my thoughts out there, even if nobody is there to read them.

hm... so my life feels pretty empty these past few days/weeks/maybe even months. i don't know what the missing thing is. it's not like anything important changed or disappeared. its just... i feel alone like even though at school and church i have friends and people to talk to, but i just don't feel right in my own skin. hmm weird.

i feel as if there is no peace within me. like theres so much unresolved conflicts inside of me and so many things i haven't been able to forget or forgive. and all that bitterness is just brewing up in me, and is eating me from the inside out. and i've tried to be at peace with myself and the world, but nothing seems to work. i don't know... i need help.

and with girls... i think i completely give up. i don't think i was meant to be married... nothing ever seems to work out haha, i always misunderstand or something. strange. but i guess there's nothing wrong with just being friends with girls, since i'm probably leaving this godforsaken valley next year, it probably wouldn't work out anyways. but still, i refuse to completely give up hope.

if my heart were a compass
you would be north
if my heart was a house
you'd be at home

no titles come to my mind

hm... so i was super tired when i woke up today and i felt like crap the whole day and when i finally fell asleep in government, my head felt like it was getting crushed after i woke up. and yeah... i resolved to be productive today and actually stop being lazy and do my work, but once again, fail...

um lets see after school was nothing special, mnf was pretty boring to watch and i am currently watching gossip girl, which is gonna end at 10... i hope i can fall asleep quickly so i won't feel like crap tomorrow again.

and now that sat 2's are coming up my dads telling me to go into lockdown mode again, which means no going out or anything. which is freaking gay, its just 1 test... and all this was at dinner, and he goes into his whole college/career talk. and i hate that, how he always has to bring that up whenever we talk, and its ONLY that.

and halloween's this saturday but i don't even know whats going on... since everybody already has plans, i guess i'm just going to candyland... i sort of wanted to just go out or something but oh well, its better than nothing.

if only i could do something with you.

bittersweet

what is it with you that makes me smile so stupidly while i drive around in my soccer mom van. what is it about you that floods my daily thoughts. what is so special about you that makes me feel so differently about everything and everyone. but then again, after the sweetness fades, the bitter seeps in, as always. the smiles turn to frowns. and the laughs turns to sighs.

damnit, why do i always end up in this situation.

hello

so since xanga, i never really blogged consistently... lol i think i'll start again. so hm... i just watched The Proposal, finally, for the first time. And... everyone hyped it up so much, i'm not saying its good, but it wasn't as AMAZING as everybody said it was. hmm yeah i think i want to move to alaska though. thats it for now!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------okay so now its 5:53, about 4 hours after my previous entry. so i went to the hospital to visit gina and was there for like 2 and a half hours. and then me and wayne were supposed to go out with josh and justin and watch a movie and shop and what not but my mom got all mad and whatever so now i'm home. gay stuff.

andddddd i'm so stupid, i should've known, it wasn't the way i thought it was. man i hate this feeling, it sucks.