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you know, i honestly don't think anybody even reads this blog, but honestly, i don't really mind it one bit. i sort of like just putting my thoughts out there, even if nobody is there to read them.

hm... so my life feels pretty empty these past few days/weeks/maybe even months. i don't know what the missing thing is. it's not like anything important changed or disappeared. its just... i feel alone like even though at school and church i have friends and people to talk to, but i just don't feel right in my own skin. hmm weird.

i feel as if there is no peace within me. like theres so much unresolved conflicts inside of me and so many things i haven't been able to forget or forgive. and all that bitterness is just brewing up in me, and is eating me from the inside out. and i've tried to be at peace with myself and the world, but nothing seems to work. i don't know... i need help.

and with girls... i think i completely give up. i don't think i was meant to be married... nothing ever seems to work out haha, i always misunderstand or something. strange. but i guess there's nothing wrong with just being friends with girls, since i'm probably leaving this godforsaken valley next year, it probably wouldn't work out anyways. but still, i refuse to completely give up hope.

if my heart were a compass
you would be north
if my heart was a house
you'd be at home